Crab Stuffed Mushrooms

I kind of dropped off the map for a little while.  However I’m back and with a recipe none the less.

Aaron and I love seafood and mushrooms so this is a perfect combination. They’re buttery with a little nip to them from the creole seasoning.  They are a little on the pricey side but nowhere near what you would pay in a restaurant.  I love to make this as a special meal once and a while, not one of the ‘in the rotation meals’  that you would make weekly.  Today was a rough day for Aaron and I so I decided that we needed something a little special. Today Mackenzie would have been a month old. No I’m not going into a big long story about him today I wanted to make sure that I am not just writing about him , but keeping up with the other things that I wanted to incorporate into the blog.

IMG_20150923_180537There’s something about the first shot of all of the ingredients that are used in  a recipe that makes me all excited.  Maybe it’s the anticipation of what is to come, or its my organized self that likes to see everything collected and out on the counter in preparation for the meal. Whatever it is I like it!


After collecting all of the ingredients and you start to open the cans of crab meat watch out for this guy. I swear that he could hear the can opener up the street from a soundproof room and get there is half a second.  Angus is the biggest pest I have ever met.  He seriously tries to jump on the counter no matter what I am making and even moreso when it involves any sort of fish or seafood.

IMG_20150923_182057After your crackers are crushed and you have diced the red pepper, onion, garlic and grated your cheese combine them with the drained crab meat and spices and mix thoroughly.   Melt the butter and pour over the mixture then add the lemon juice and mix again.

IMG_20150923_183112I recommend removing the gills from the portabello.  To do this use the tip of a spoon and gently scrape the gills after removing the stem.  Arrange the caps on the baking sheet, no need to spray with cooking spray or oil.  fill the caps equally with the mixture then top with the 4 TBSP of cheese that was set aside.  Place in preheated oven; and cook at 425 degrees for 30-35 minutes ( or until the mushroom is tender). Remove from the oven and enjoy! Below is a before the oven and after picture for your enjoyment.

IMG_20150923_204927 IMG_20150923_183628

Crab Stuffed Mushrooms


4 Portabello Mushroom Caps

12 oz Canned Crab

2 Cups crushed Ritz crackers

1/2 Cup Grated Parmesan + 4 TBSP divided

1 tsp Garlic (diced)

1/2 a Small Red Onion (diced)

1/4 of a Small Red Pepper (diced)

1 TBSP Dried Parsley

1 Tsp Creole or Cajun Seasoning

1 Tsp Lemon Juice

1/4 Cup Melted Butter

Preheat oven to 400 degrees

Combine all ingredients in bowl and mix.

Divide equally between mushroom caps and top with parmesan cheese.

Place in oven on baking sheet for 30-35 min until mushroom is tender.


My Pregnancy Story

It’s another Mackenzie post, I just feel like I need to get it all out and talking makes me feel better.

I know that we will probably never have the answers that we are looking for. The husband and I opted to have the genetic testing and autopsy done on our son Mackenzie, but the wait to even just get the results back is agonizing. I am a first time mom, I waited a really long time before we even started to try to get pregnant and then it took almost 2 years.

I have PCOS and admittedly I am over weight. We saw a specialist and through a concoction of different medication to allow me to first off be able to ovulate then more medication for me to be able to shed the lining; a year and 7 months later we were finally pregnant. My pregnancy was uneventful other than the morning sickness that lasted through all 3 trimesters and the misalignment of my hips and tailbone. These were things that my Doctor wasn’t too concerned about so neither was I. I did feel however that the Doctor that I had been referred to by my specialist couldn’t care less about my pregnancy. I would ask questions and he would answer them as though I didn’t have a reason to be asking them in the first place. However there are very few Doctors where I live so I just ‘sucked it up ‘ and carried on. In hind sight I wish I hadn’t.

Eventually the 18 week mark came up when we could find out what the sex was. The husband and I both knew we wanted to know. He thought we were having a boy, and I was so sure beyond a reason of a doubt that we were having a girl. Boy was I wrong. When we left the ultrasound place I was admittedly upset not that I was having a boy but that I was not going to have a little girl. Over the next few weeks I got super excited about having a son and could imagine all of the outdoors things we would be doing with him. ( My family is pretty outdoorsy, we do a lot of hunting, fishing etc).

Time passed and we did the glucose tests. My first test came back ‘in the normal range’ but on the high end so I got sent for a second test ( the 2 hour one) This one came back ‘normal’ and I was sent on my way. Throughout the rest of my pregnancy I wasn’t too concerned, after all I had passed the markers that most women worry about losing the baby. The last month my feet really started to swell and I talked to my Doctor about it but he just told me that it was a symptom of pregnancy and nothing to worry about, ( I mentioned my concerns about my swollen feet each time I went in, however each time I was told that it wasn’t something to worry about). There was one day that I was so concerned that I went to labour and delivery and they hooked me up to the machine and said that if my feet were swollen and I saw stars, felt light headed, had a headache that wouldn’t go away with tylenol that I should come back. ( It never got to that point so I didn’t go back).

The 20th of August I went in for my weekly appointment and let my Doctor know that I had lost the mucus plug 5 days prior and he checked me out, I was 3 cm dilated. I told him I was ready to have the baby and he decided that if I hadn’t gone into labour by my due date ( August 25th ) that he would induce me on the 27th of August. I left his office so excited and at the same time so scared that this was finally it. I was going to be a mom by this time next week. I told Aaron who jokingly asked if we could reschedule for the second week of September because it would coincide with bird season opening up. ( I told him that was mean, I was ready to have this baby). We told my mother and my sister who would be flying in from Toronto to meet her nephew. We carried on like there was nothing to worry about except actual labour and the unknown that came with that. On The Saturday ( one week after losing my plug and two days after the appointment with my Doctor) we went to an outdoor event. I was a bit sore and hot ( it was outdoors) but it was no different that every other day the past week. We eventually got home and I went to bed around midnight, but I was so cold, I couldn’t get warm. I figured that I had a chill from sitting outside all day in the heat then when the sun went down and it cooled off pretty quickly I just had a chill. It lasted all night I got up around 8 times to go to the bathroom and each time I was shivering so much that my teeth were chattering. Again I didn’t think anything of it and went back to bed. We got up early the next morning and went for breakfast and got home around 11 am.  Aaron went out do do some errands because I wasn’t feeling up to walking around and I went in the house and went to the bathroom. I had my bloody show but it wasn’t bright red so I wasn’t too concerned, after that labour started.

Around 2 pm I called labour and delivery and talked to someone there who let me know that I should stay at home until I couldn’t walk through a contraction, at least I would be comfortable at home. So around 730pm I couldn’t take it any more and I got Aaron to drive me to the hospital. It was the most excited I had been, we were going to have our baby soon and I would finally get to meet him. We would be able to see what features he had of mine and of Aaron’s.

When I got into the room and the nurse grabbed the Doppler machine to find his heartbeat it took a little while before she said anything and even then all she said was shes having some trouble finding it so they were going to try a different machine. At this point I was a little nervous but never in my wildest dreams did I think that there wasn’t one. They still couldn’t find a heartbeat so the doctor came in and did an ultrasound. At this point I was really getting scared. I finally said something and the Doctor on call ( not even my own ) and he said in the most monotone, and unemotional voice that there was no heartbeat and that my baby had passed. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t speak I just shut down ( all of this was still going on while having contractions) Aaron made the phone calls to the family after we had a few minutes to ourselves to cry but all the while I just kept hoping that they were wrong. That my baby was going to be born and be ok. At the same time I just wanted to have him out of me, I wanted so badly to have a c-section because I didn’t think that I was strong enough to birth him. The next few hours went by in a daze and I hardly remember them. They gave me an epidural ( that she had to try three times because of the contractions). They broke my water, and my body was finally ready to push. Within 45 minutes of being told that he was down in the birth canal he was out. Given his shoulder got stuck and I had to have four nurses and the doctor help to get him unstuck but he was finally out.

I knew everything was real once I saw him, he had places where the skin was thinned and broken and his lips were dark but his eyes were closed and he never made a sound. It was the saddest moment of my life and I lost a piece of my heart at 12:46 pm on August 24th 2015. Aaron and I held him and spent time with him and both memorized his measurements as the nurses told them to us. 10 lbs 9.6 oz ( he was and will always be my little pork chop) 22 inches long ( both the husband and I are fairly tall so we knew he would be a large baby but we had no idea he would be that large he was the most prefect mix of Aaron and I he was me from the lips and cheekbones down and Aaron from the nose up ( he had the most hair that I have ever seen on a baby) .

We spent the day with him, although I never got to dress or bathe him. I was stuck in the bed because of the epidural. It was hard, they wanted to keep me over night so they moved my to the post delivery ward. After saying goodbye to Mackenzie around midnight everything started so get even more real. We were never going to see him again, we could never hold him again. We wouldn’t be taking him home and now I had to spend the night listening to other peoples babies cry. It was so unfair and I hardly slept all I did was cry. Aaron has been an amazing support to me throughout the whole ordeal and I know it has brought us closer together but all I can think about is how I wish on that Thursday of my last appointment I would have asked to be induced then and there. If I had would I have my baby in my arms? If I had been more diligent about my concerns with the Doctor would Mackenzie still be here. I have gotten some of my blood results back and they show that I am on the border of having gestational diabetes so now I have those questions running through my mind… If I had eaten differently would he be here now? I know it’s not the road to go down, you can drive yourself crazy with all of the what ifs but they still run through my mind. Aaron and I are seeing a Councillor and we know we want to try again as soon as possible. However we know that nothing and no one will ever replace our first son.

still born

A Few Photos of the Happiest Moment of my Life.

Because of the loss of Mackenzie a lot of these posts in the near future may be about him.  I apologize if it is something that you don’t want to read about but as part of my therapy and grieving process it is just something that I have to do.  Before I lost him I had wanted to do a post about how amazing our maternity photographer was and show you guys some of the pictures of my husband and I while I was pregnant. Now that’s all we have of him so it is almost bitter sweet sharing them.  Our photographers name is Laura Paxton and she was amazing to say the least.  I’ve had photos taken a couple of times and Laura was great. She was able to direct us but at the same time keep us looking natural.  You can check out her site here.  Laura was able to capture how happy we were in these photos and I will forever be grateful that we had them done and also that she was able to show our immense happiness and it is something we can keep forever to remind us of how happy we were to be having a son.

_DSC4993I don’t think there has been a moment in time that either of us have been happier.  It was our first son and something that we had been trying to achieve for almost two years.  I am disappointed though that Laura wasn’t able to do the newborn photos that she was going to do, but having a stillbirth does that.  In the future the husband and I will be contacting Laura for any photographs that we may want done.