CLOSING OUT 2015

Now that 2015 is coming to a close, there are a few things that I want to talk about. First the normal overview of the year, goals and such for next year and where I am with Mackenzies death.  Let me start first with an overview of the year.

I turned 30 this year, holy crap I just don’t know where the time has gone. It just seems like yesterday that I was goofing around in high school having a blast and not worrying about the little things that plague my mind now. Between January and August I carried a beautiful baby boy who Aaron and I named Mackenzie. Although he was stillborn those 8 months were fantastic despite the ups and downs of pregnancy. We bought a house, now for those of you who know us personally will know that we have a dream of building our home, and we were going to start in the Spring of this year but the time lines that we would have had between then and when Mack was born wouldn’t have given us enough time so we opted to buy a house in the city. Neither of us really wanted to live in town but it was a sacrifice we were willing to make for our son.  Then there was the loss of our son. That was huge. Despite the assumption that this was going to be the best year it turned out to be the worst. Health wise I’m doing well. I have lost all but 10lbs of my baby weight, I’m focused on becoming more healthy and working towards a goal weight of 180lbs.

Where I am with Mackenzie’s death. Well … I still cry frequently. My home is a constant reminder of how things should be, and what  am missing. The things I gave up for him that I now have to live with. I’m back at work now and that sucks. I find it really difficult to walk in there every day first because it is a constant reminder of what I had, two because of the misleading that my boss and another one have done making me think that they were going to do something to help me out with the anxiety of returning and basically telling me that I had a position that I had applied for that would keep me from having to deal with people all the time. and three because I didn’t want to go back in the first place.Dealing with family is getting a bit easier, I still have very little patience for ( excuse the lack of a better word) bullshit.   I still feel a gaping hole in my heart that will never be filled.

My goals for the upcoming year, I want to put a bigger focus on my health. I want to get to my goal weight not because my Doctor says that’s the only way that he will prescribe me Femera again so that we can get pregnant, but because I really do want to be healthier and there is no beter time to start than now.  I would love to be able to leave my job and get into the healthcare field, I would love to go back to school for nursing. I want to get pregnant again but that seems to be a difficult feat.  I want to focus on my cooking and blogging about that more. I have given it a few tries but it hasn’t really taken off.  Hopefully I can remain focused on these things long enough to see some of them realized.

Here is wishing you and yours all the best in 2016! What kind of goals have you set for yourself? What does your 2015 year in review look like?

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